The fastest way to find the right person is to leave the wrong people quickly. This is the ultimate internet dating advice on this blog.
- What keeps someone stuck?
Based on my research over several years, I’ve discovered that most people get stuck in dating because they don’t leave the wrong people quickly. Reasons include:
- They don’t believe that they can find anyone better.
- They don’t think they deserve anything better.
- They don’t know their worth.
- They think they will die alone if they don’t get married as soon as humanly possible.
All of these thoughts keep them stuck, so they keep dating the wrong people and stay in toxic relationships. That’s exactly what stops them from meeting the right people.
Now I’d like to share with you a true story so that you will immediately understand what I’m talking about:
Many years ago, I was selling clothes in a department store as a retail sales assistant. Because the shop that I was working for is a well-known fashion brand, products in that shop are expensive. Most customers were upper-class people who are well-educated, have good jobs and can afford to buy high-end clothes.
However, every year after Christmas, the shop had a clearance period when a lot of old stock were sold at much lower prices. That’s exactly when stingy customers came to the department store to buy T-shirts with a discount. I know what I’m typing now sounds a little bit mean, but please let me tell you what happened:
When I started that retail job, some of my friends were asking me if customer service is a difficult job because working in retail means I must deal with difficult customers frequently. But realistically, as I was working for a high-end fashion house in an upmarket department store, the majority of the customers that I met every day were very lovely. Nevertheless, in January every year when the clearance happened, difficult customers rocked up because….
Because stingy customers were waiting for the sale and they would only buy something when it’s on sale. Interestingly, a lot of those stingy customers were also difficult, picky and rude. Examples:
- On a Saturday afternoon when I was working in the department store, a lady went there to buy a T-shirt. She tried on at least 6 or 7 T-shirts and wanted to buy one white T-shirt. Because she spent more than 20 minutes in the fitting room, I answered a phone call to handle a phone order at that time. When I was still on the phone with another customer, this lady was wondering why I didn’t go to the basement (reserves) to get the size that she wanted. Because she didn’t tell me which style she preferred, I said, “If you like the style, I’ll go downstairs and get Size S for you.” In that moment, she said, “Never mind” and left immediately while quickly walking directly to another shop nearby. She was trying to show me that she could go to my competitor’s shop and ignore me so that I would lose a sale. But in fact, she wanted to buy a $50 T-shirt in a high-end store where most items cost at least $500-$900 per product. The telephone order generated much more revenue than one T-shirt which was on sale. And she didn’t even tell me which style she wanted!
- On a Sunday afternoon, another lady went to that shop to buy a yellow T-shirt which was on sale. She said, “The store manager of your brand’s freestanding store nearby told me that Size XS of this yellow T-shirt which is on sale ($29) is available here.” I looked it up on the computer and saw 1 Size XS of that particular T-shirt, but it’s in the reserves, so I went to the basement to look for it. Unfortunately, I couldn’t find it because it was an error in the computer system (it wasn’t in the basement). Hence, I told this lady that the T-shirt she wanted to buy wasn’t there due to an error in the system, but she could buy that T-shirt in another department store or buy it online. She said to me, “I don’t want to go to that department store and I don’t have a computer. Can you order it online for me here?” I said, “The department store cannot offer a Floor to Door service, but the freestanding store can do that. You can still go to the freestanding store.” In that moment, she snatched the product information slip that she gave me when she arrived, and left in a rude manner while saying, “I don’t want to go to a freestanding store.”
If I gave too much attention to the above-mentioned customers who were willing to spend $29 or $50 with the shop, I would have missed out on much better opportunities where high-value customers were paying for full-price items. Also, high-value customers who were happy to buy full-price items oftentimes buy suit jackets/pants, leather jackets and dresses rather than 1 T-shirt which was on sale. Even though some difficult and rude customers bought cheap T-shirts on sale, a lot of them would return those T-shirts anyway because “The security tag has caused a hole in the fabric” – they weren’t contributing to the economy or sprinkling happiness wherever they go.
In conclusion, 2% of the customers caused 98% of the drama/problems/headache; hence, I would be ill-advised to focus on the 2%.
- What does the story above tell us about internet dating?
Moral of the story above: Never give low-value, draining and stressful candidates too much time/energy/attention. Just move on and invest in high-value candidates who actually deserve your love and affection.
In internet dating, you will meet some candidates who aren’t suitable. Your job is to make sure that you leave the wrong people as fast as possible, and then you will be able to pay attention to the right candidate who is also looking for you right now.
“You have to get unstuck so you can meet the right lady.”